I just haven't met you yet

This has been my theme song for the past few months
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA  It just fits so well with my life - except for the first paragraph.  But the rest of it is spot on!

Last Man Standing

When I started telling people I'm pregnant, 3 other friends said they're also pregnant.   Then I found out about 4th friend.  All due in December.  They all had their babies and none of them are pregnant anymore.  I'm the last one standing...or sitting...with my feet elevated...  How nice.  Do I win a prize...for still being pregnant?

Sorry

Someone once said that the 9th month of pregnancy is the longest month of your life.  I of course got snarky and said I'm pretty sure the 9th month is the same length as all the other months. 

I wholeheartedly apologize for ever saying that.

Whoops

Apparently, a toilet paper roll holder is not the same as a grab bar.  Whoops!

Umm...what the what?!?!

חדש שחל בו!
Holy Shmatameister!

I sat and I can't get up!

I've recently developed a strong appreciation for grab bars in bathrooms.  It's not just for the elderly.  I hope I don't break my toilet paper holder!

Good things come in large packages...?

My doctor today felt my up belly to examine my baby.  She let go and said "Were you a big baby?" 

Crap!

Fully Cooked

At a doctor visit today, the doctor said that I'm considered full term.  So any day now...  My response:  "But my car seat hasn't arrived from Amazon yet!"

Later, my car seat actually did arrive and Moshe said "If that's all that's holding you up..."

Bookends

During my first month or so of pregnancy, I was always nauseated to the point that I couldn't lay horizontally.  I could only sleep propped up against the wall with pillows and I could tilt my head slightly, like people who fall asleep on the subway.  Eventually, that went away.  

Now, in my last month, I get heartburn if I lay horizontally.  So now, I go to sleep propped up against the wall with my pillows and I can tilt my head slightly, like people who fall asleep on the subway.

It's a great way to bookend the pregnancy.

Odd

I find it odd that in an ob/gyn office - which is supposed to be for pregnant ladies who at some point get too big to sit anywhere comfortably and have a hard time getting up - I find it funny that they have low toilets in the bathrooms and no grab bars.  And you have to leave a sample at every visit so a pregnant lady is Always using that bathroom.  I also find it odd that the seats in the waiting room are hard plastic that is not comfortable for anyone.

Since I'm making a list, I find it Very annoying that places that specifically do ultrasounds, and get goo Aaaaaaaaaallllll over you, don't have showers.  I mean I love walking around all day with my giant belly being sticky icky and smelly.  Who doesn't?  I think maybe some people don't...

Finders Keepers

I found my ankle bones!  Yaaaay :)  I knew they were in there somewhere.

Rude!

To the rude guy on the subway platform this morning who pushed me so he could get on the train first,

REALLY?!  REALLY?!  You had to push a pregnant woman out of the way so You could get a seat?!  Tell your mother what you did.  She what she says.

Zzzzz....

Apparently, dreaming about going to the bathroom is not the same as actually going.  Dang it!

Counting Sefirah

I’m 33 weeks today.  7 weeks left.  Maybe I should start counting Sefirah...

Best Line of Shabbat

Best line of Shabbat - “I like my meat medium rare.  I like my babies well done.”

Lunatic

I talk to my belly.  All the time.  My husband thinks I'm a lunatic.  He tells my belly so.

Preparing for Rosh Hashanah

Great way to prepare for Rosh Hashanah.  Get 4 blood tests in one day.  I’m so holey today! In fact, I’m holier than swiss cheese. Hehehe...

Outta the way!

I've become that annoying person on the sidewalk who walks super slowly. I'm very sorry. I wish I could move faster. I miss weaving thru people to get to where I'm going. But I just can't move anymore. However, I always stay to the side when I walk slowly. I also make sure to have a pained look on my face so if you look at me, it looks like I couldn't move faster if I tried. But seriously, if I can move faster than you can, you're too slow!

Your Joke Isn't Funny

Dear other pregnant lady,

Your joke about being slow is not funny at the OB OFFICE!!! We're all slow!  Get over yourself.

High Five...?

My baby has been moving around a Lot.  It's really cool and it's super fun to watch.  It looks a lot like my belly is possessed by an alien.  It's really funny.  Usually it's quick like a kick here, a punch there, I don't really know what body part is hitting me.  For all I know, my baby could be head-butting me.  Still awesome.  I'll take it.  I tell my baby to kick and move as often as it wants.  (Yes, I talk to my baby.  All the time.)

But here's the coolest thing.  Last night, I sat down and all of a sudden there was a bump sticking out of my belly, the size of maybe a ping pong ball.  Oooh or like when someone in a Bugs Bunny cartoon would get smacked in the head and then have a lump on their head.  That's what it was like.  And it was there for a good minute or two.  It was soooo cool and also a little strange...like...that's my baby...right here...we're touching each other...it was weird...and awesome.  Moshe also got to feel it.  He gave it a high five.  I thanked it for coming out to say hi.  I didn't want to move b/c I didn't want it to go away.  Eventually, it got tired and moved so I was able to move too.  

It was really special.

Actual Conversation

Actual conversation:

Coworker: “Is today “Bring your child to work day”?”

Me: “I bring my child to work every day! :)

Good Listener

I told my baby that when it exits my body, it should take all the fat with it so I can go back to my old clothes, which I miss,...bc I can't afford new clothes...especially since I will have to buy my baby new clothes also.
I also told my baby not to hurt me on the way out.  I’ve been so nice to it.  It should at least do that much for me.
I hope my baby is a good listener.

A Watched Pot

A watched pot may never boil, but if you stare at my belly long enough, you'll see it bounce!

First Doctor Appointment

Today was my first doctor appointment where they check to make sure there's really a baby in there and how many babies are in there.  Moshe said if there is more than one baby in there, he's packing his bags and leaving.
I cried a little when I saw the picture on the sonogram screen.  That's my baby in there.  I have a baby in my belly :)
When Moshe asked me if it's ours, I said "It's definitely mine!"  He said "Unless there's something you want to tell me Right Now, it's also mine!"  Fair point.  It's also his.

Ick on a Stick

Yesterday, we all went to visit Tzivia in the hospital after she had her baby.  I just had this feeling...but Moshe said wait till tomorrow.  You can't know that kind of news and then hang out with the whole family and be able to not say anything.  So I waited.  This morning, I put on gloves and very carefully peed in a cup and then stuck the stick into the cup.  And then I cried.  B/c that's what I do.  Moshe was very confused.  I think I have a baby in my belly.
:)