The last two months have been emotionally draining, to say the least. July was my last period. In mid August, I started taking pregnancy tests. I took 5 pregnancy tests. 4 super cheap ones from amazon all said no. I finally bought a standard expensive one at a drug store. It also said no. I was confused and scared, not able to imagine what could be going on. I emailed my dr and she recommended getting my thyroid checked. That sounded scary. I only know one person who had a thyroid issue and it did not end well. So I freaked out. Moshe made fun of me and talked me off the ledge and told me to wait and see what my dr actually says. I then made an appt to see my OB for 8/28. Of course I had to submit a urine sample. The nurse came back and said "The reason you didn't get a period is that you're pregnant." I cried. A lot. And then made the nurse let me give her a hug.
Then they did a sonogram and saw nothing there. Nothing. Just gray shshshshshshshshshshshsh....... The dr said it's most likely that it's just too early to see anything. It could be a miscarriage. And it could be an ectopic pregnancy. I made her give it to me as a pie chart b/c that helps me when I get anxious. She said 90% normal pregnancy, 7% miscarriage, and 3% ectopic pregnancy. I was trying soooo hard to believe in the 90%.
I went to a specialist the next day, 8/29, to have a sonogram. That was the most unpleasant experience and I will never go back to him. And I told my dr that. He basically just dumped tons of bad news on me, without any feeling, or regard for my feelings. I cried more. A lot. He basically said that based on when my last period was, I should be 7 weeks pregnant now and there's nothing there, so he said I probably wasn't pregnant. Lovely. I went to Riverdale and cried to Moshe. A Ton.
The next day, 8/30, I went back to my dr for more blood work. I told her the terrible experience I had. She brought me back to reality and to my pie chart and said she's still pretty confident it's 90% normal pregnancy and it's just too early.
I went to her a week later, 9/5, for more blood work to continue to measure my hormone levels, which went up at the 2nd blood test, which is good. She called me the next day to say my hormone levels went from 55, to 103 at the 2nd blood test, to 1,220 at the third blood test, which looked very promising, and she said the next step is a sonogram to see if they can finally see a baby. I tried so hard not to get my hopes up, but I will admit, I was a little excited.
I scheduled an appt with a different dr, b/c the person on the phone said it was ok. It was not. They called me at 2pm on Wednesday, 9/12, to tell me that I must be seen this week by Dr. Messinger, and the only time she can see me is at 3pm on Thursday, and I must go to a specialist in the morning to have a sonogram, and I must bring the results with me to the 3pm appt. That was pretty darn stressful. I explained that I really can't afford to miss more work time. They said this is my health and basically too bad. Okie dokie. I also explained Very firmly that I will never go back to the first specialist where they sent me last time. Fine. They sent me to Carnegie Hill, where I had gone when I was pregnant with Hodayah. I <3 that place!
I went on 9/13 to the specialist at Carnegie Hill. I told the sonographer that I'm very scared b/c I want to be pregnant, but I'm scared there's gonna be nothing there. She calmed me down a lot and started the scan. And there it was. Beating at 88 beats per minute. My baby's heart beat. My Jelly Bean 2.0. My Coffee Bean. My Sweet Pea. Whatever we call it. It's there. It's really there. Growing in my uterus right where it's supposed to be, doing it's thing. I cried. Again. A lot. My dr again went over things with me, and I of course pictured my pie chart in my head. She said there's always a risk of miscarriage for any pregnancy, b/c that's real life. But based on what she's been seeing, she said she has no reason to think it's not going to continue to grow and develop into a normal healthy baby.
My baby is really there, right where it's supposed to be, doing it's thing. I'm crying. Again. A lot. Even as I'm typing this. What a way to start the new year :)
Hodu laHashem ki tov, ki le'olam chasdo.
p.s. When I got home and talked to Moshe, he yelled at me and commanded me that I'm never allowed to worry or freak out about anything ever again, and basically said one big "I told you so". I love him so much!
p.p.s. I don't think anyone actually reads this. But if you happen to read it, please don't share this. If you want to talk to me about it, email me privately. If you don't have my email, we probably don't know each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment